What hurts the most
by Narurama1995
Summary: Shizuo got injured in a fight. He bumps into Izaya on his way to the pharmacist. Shizuo just wants to be left alone, but Izaya doesn't seem to feel the same way. Shizaya/Izuo with violence and implied rape.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: **Shizuo got injured in a fight. He bumps into Izaya on his way to the pharmacist. Shizuo just wants to be left alone, but Izaya doesn't seem to feel the same way.

**A/N: **this is my first attempt at a DRRR fanfic and yaoi on top of that, so be nice to me. I just love Shizaya and came up with this story. I decided to write it down and share my fantasies. Anyway, here's the first chapter. I hope you like it and please let me know what you think.

_I don't own DRRR or Shizaya, unfortunately. Just writing down my thoughts._

**Chapter 1: **

Ikebukuro was vibrant as always. People rushed by, focused on their busy lives, completely ignoring everything around them. Some teenage girls were chattering happily about a famous singer, how cute he was. Some guys were trying to act cool, leaning against a wall with their hands in their pockets, after they realized that a few hot girls had noticed them. Some guy was screaming something to the guy who had just bumped into him. There was a quarrel between two drivers who had almost crashed into each other at the traffic lights. A woman who was walking her dog almost got run over by a kid on a skateboard.  
In the midst of all these happenings, stood a tall blond guy, wearing a bartender uniform and sunglasses. His left hand was raised to stop the pen, the other was in his pocket. Two ballpoints were sticking out of his legs, slowly soaking his pants with blood. Shizuo was unfazed as a third ball pen penetrated his body, this time his hand. Some kid named Seiji was attacking him. He really didn't care about him, he was only doing this to help Celty out.  
After blowing the kid off, he turned around and walked away. He took a quick look at his hand. It was bleeding a little, a trickle of blood running down his hand. He couldn't pull it out, cause then the bleeding would get worse. What he needed were band aids or bandages. Shizuo started walking towards the south end of Ikebukuro where he knew was a pharmacist. Suddenly the hairs on the back of his neck stood on end. Someone was watching him, he could feel it. The blond halted and looked around. At first he didn't really notice anyone, but that ominous feeling wouldn't leave him. It was a very familiar feeling. Too familiar. Shizuo knew this feeling. It was _him._  
Shizuo spun around and looked straight into the pitch-black eyes of Orihara Izaya. Shizuo could feel his mood drop to dangerously irritated as he watched that face's mouth quirk into an amused grin.  
"Get the hell out of Ikebukuro, you damn flea!"  
Izaya raised his arms in an apologetic gesture and shrugged. Then he put his hands in his pockets and took on an apathetic look. He didn't say anything, just kept on grinning like a retard. Shizuo sighed exasperatedly. Any other time he would have already been chasing this annoying existence with the nearest traffic sign. Surprisingly enough, Shizuo really did not feel like doing that at that time. Sure, he was just as annoyed by _its _presence as always, but that urge to squash Izaya like a bug just wasn't present. All he wanted to do at that moment was remove the frickin' ballpoints, go home and sleep. All he wanted was to be left alone. Was that too much to ask?  
Without saying another word, Shizuo turned around and leisurely walked away. Izaya was dumfounded to say the least. For the first time in like … ever, Shizuo did not attack him. Normally he should be running for his life, but that wasn't the case this time. Shizuo was surprisingly …docile. This was too interesting to ignore so Izaya immediately started following the tall blond, knowing he might be stepping on dangerous grounds. Of course he had noticed the ballpoints sticking out of Shizuo's legs, but that couldn't really be the reason that he wasn't attacking him, could it?  
Izaya quickly caught up with the pissed-off blond and strolled next to him. Shizuo didn't really react, he just rolled his eyes and looked the other way. Why was this bastard following him? Couldn't he take a hint?  
"Hey Shizu-chan, did you get attacked by a preschooler or something?"  
Shizuo gazed back at Izaya with a confused look on his face. Preschooler?  
"Huh?"  
Izaya quirked his eyebrow in an enquiring manner, pointing out that there were ballpoints penetrating his body. Shizuo lifted his left hand again, staring at the by now dried up blood around the ball pen. Izaya raised his eyebrows even more. He hadn't noticed that one yet.  
"Oh look! You're right. I hadn't noticed."  
Izaya was intrigued, but was also suspicious of the blond.  
"Seriously?"  
Shizuo looked as if he had just been slapped in the face.  
"Of course not you moron. Who wouldn't notice ball pens sticking into their flesh!"  
Izaya snorted.  
"How am I supposed to know? You don't _look_ bothered by them."  
Shizuo took a deep breath and slowly blew it back out. He decided that ignoring his unwanted companion would be best and continued to walk south. Izaya wouldn't let him go though, just following him without taking the blond's feelings into consideration. Shizuo was just weighing the pros and cons of pulling out one of these goddamn ballpoints and stake Izaya with it, when the latter spoke up.  
"Doesn't it hurt?"  
Shizuo came to a sudden halt, catching Izaya by surprise. The blond stared at him with a mixture of annoyance and disbelief, expecting Izaya to look at him with eyes filled with joy at the thought that Shizuo could possibly be suffering. He frowned confusedly though, when he noticed that Izaya seemed genuinely interested, patiently awaiting his answer. Shizuo was visibly taken aback, but quickly composed himself again.  
"Of course it hurts. Despite what you or anyone else may think Izaya, I _can_ feel pain."  
Shizuo crossed his arms, as best as he could with a pen sticking in his hand, in a defensive manner, trying his best not to look at the dark-haired nuisance.  
Izaya was actually a little surprised by that. He had no idea that Shizuo could actually feel pain, seeing how often he got hit with trucks and walked away from them unscathed. He didn't really understand Shizuo. Was he just trying to act cool by ignoring his pain?  
"Okay, so if you're really in pain, how come you don't … look like you're actually hurt?"  
Shizuo shrugged, not sure how to answer that, so he simply said the first thing that came to mind.  
"I'm used to it."  
This time Izaya frowned, cocking his head to the side a little. Shizuo could almost _see _the next question forming in Izaya's mind.  
"You're used to it? Why? Because you get hit by trucks so often?"  
Shizuo was somewhat confused. Where did the trucks come from?  
"What? I rarely get hit by trucks. That only happens when you're around, surprisingly enough."  
Izaya nodded slowly while deep in thought. This really spiked his interest. If it weren't the trucks than what kind of pain had he experienced so that he wasn't even be bothered by a _truck_?  
"Then why are you used to it?"  
Shizuo stopped walking once again and turned towards Izaya.  
"I don't feel like telling you. And why is it that the one time I don't throw stuff at you, you decide to follow me around like a puppy?"  
Izaya gave him an 'isn't-that-obvious' look.  
"It's _because _you're not throwing stuff at me right now, that I'm following you around. It's not every day that I get this chance."  
Shizuo dropped his arms to his sides, sighing in defeat. He stared at Izaya, not knowing what to say anymore. He didn't seem to be able to get rid of his stalker, for God knows why! Why the hell would Izaya want to spend time with him anyway. Doesn't he hate him?  
After a long and uncomfortable silence, Izaya finally decided to break it.

"So. You starting to feel like telling me already?"  
Shizuo frowned. "Telling you what?"  
Izaya goggled at that and sighed blatantly.  
"Geez Shizu-chan, do you have the memory of a goldfish or something? I meant do you feel like telling me already, why you're used to pain?"  
Shizuo decided it would be best to simply ignore the comparison between him and a goldfish, and focus on the _actual_ question.  
"Why do you wanna know?"  
Izaya lifted his right arm, which made him look like a waiter holding an invisible tray, and shrugged.  
"I am passionately curious."  
Shizuo twitched slightly.  
"You wanna know out of mere curiosity?"  
Izaya leaned forward, stretching his right arm out towards Shizuo and holding his index finger pointed upwards. A big smile adorned his face.  
"'Seize the moment of excited curiosity on any subject to solve your doubts; for if you let it pass, the desire may never return, and you may remain in ignorance'."  
Izaya seemed very satisfied with himself, gazing at Shizuo, inciting him to retort.  
Shizuo stared back at Izaya unfazed, without breaking eye contact.  
"William Wirt."  
Izaya straightened up, dropping his right arm to his side and stared at Shizuo with 'surprise' written all over his face. He blinked a few times, unable to digest the fact that Shizuo had actually known that quote. He was speechless and … intrigued. This man whom he had thought to be numb and dense, was neither of these things. Izaya was amazed to say the least and the more time he spent with the blond, the more he viewed him as an actual human.  
Izaya's train of thoughts was interrupted when Shizuo suddenly opened his mouth.  
"'I would rather have my ignorance than another man's knowledge, because I have so much of it'."  
Izaya was all smiles and chuckled softly.  
"Mark Twain."  
The blond half smiled at Izaya's reaction and response. Izaya immediately hit back with another quote.  
"'He that voluntarily continues in ignorance, is guilty of all the crimes which ignorance produces'."  
Shizuo cocked his head to the left a little, wearing an amused expression on his face. He gladly indulged in the challenge that he was presented with, unexpectedly enjoying this out of the ordinary conversation with the unlikeliest of persons.

"Samuel Johnson. 'In order to have wisdom, we must have ignorance'." (Shizuo)  
"Theodore Dreiser. 'There's only one good, knowledge, and one evil, ignorance'." (Izaya)  
"Socrates. '''The essence of knowledge is, having it, to apply it; not having it, to confess your ignorance'." (Shizuo)  
"Confucius. 'Not ignorance, but ignorance of ignorance, is the death of knowledge'." (Izaya)  
"Alfred North Whitehead. 'It takes a man to suffer ignorance and smile'." (Shizuo)  
Izaya fell silent. Shizuo smiled contentedly as he watched the other deep in thought, trying to recognize the quote. The blond doubted that he knew this one, it wasn't really that famous.  
Izaya bit his bottom lip, trying hard to remember the quote, but he didn't think he'd ever heard or read it before. Shizuo was a little mesmerized as he watched Izaya. The way he stood there, spacing out, biting his lip. He didn't know this Izaya. He wasn't used to seeing this kind of face on him, instead of his usual cunning, I-love-to-watch-you-suffer face. Eventually Izaya looked back up at Shizuo who had to do his utmost best not to drop to the floor laughing. Izaya looked just like a young child that didn't know the answer even though he should know and had thought about it intensely. Shizuo chuckled, holding one hand (the one without the pen of course) in front of his mouth, earning an accusatory glare from Izaya.  
"It's Sting" He said after finally being able to smother his laughter.  
The confused frown on the black-haired one was telling. He didn't know Sting.  
"It's a British singer. You know… from The Police."  
Izaya's frown, if possible, became even worse. Shizuo sighed amusedly.  
"It's a band."  
Izaya snorted, crossing his arms over his chest.  
"You go from quotes of some of the brightest minds in history to a run-down British singer of some prehistoric band?"  
Shizuo shrugged. "I found it befitting." He wore a smug grin on his face, watching Izaya's face go from annoyed to super annoyed. He tried not to think about it too much, this never-before-had conversation. The blond realized this wasn't normal, that he should be more cautious around this guy, but he just couldn't help feeling very relaxed at that moment and, dare he say it, was actually enjoying the other's company. If he'd think about too much, it'd just become even more confusing. And even though he would never admit it to himself, he didn't want this moment to end. It had been too long that he'd had such an interesting conversation with someone, even if that someone was Izaya Orihara of all people.  
"Where are you going anyway?"  
The sudden question startled Shizuo. He blinked, while Izaya patiently awaited his answer, with his hands hidden in his pockets. Lifting his arm, he stared at the pen penetrating his hand.  
"I'm going to the pharmacist."  
Izaya hummed in understanding, nodding almost unnoticeably. He took a few steps forward, 'till he was standing less than a foot away from Shizuo, and leant a bit towards Shizuo to inspect the other's hand. The blond felt very uncomfortable, having Izaya stand so close. He still didn't exactly trust this guy and with the exception of trying to kill one another, they had never stood so close to each other.

Izaya held one of his index fingers in front of his mouth, while he spoke.  
"Wouldn't it be better to remove the ball points already?"  
The dark haired one looked up at Shizuo with question marks in his eyes. Shizuo was still a little bothered by their closeness. Not necessarily because It was Izaya, he had intimacy issues with pretty much every one. The only one he really felt comfortable with, was Celty. Shizuo unconsciously leaned a little away from the other.  
"No, it would start to bleed if I pulled them out. So I'm first gonna buy some bandages before taking these things out."  
Izaya nodded slowly, before straightening himself again and looking around.  
"You're going to the southern one, right?"

"Yeah."  
The dark-haired young man gazed back at the blond with a determined look on his face.  
"Let's go then. The sooner we get those things out, the better."  
Shizuo decided to ignore his demanding tone or the fact that he once again invited himself along, since it didn't really bother him as much as he would have thought.  
While they were walking, Izaya suddenly remembered that he still didn't know why Shizuo was used to pain and he was way too curious to let it pass.  
"Hey Shizu-chan, I still don't know why you're used to pain."

Shizuo turned his head towards Izaya and nodded.  
"You really wanna know?"  
Izaya nodded quickly and had sparkles in his eyes.  
The other smiled at the reaction and decided to tell him the truth.

"When I was young, I used to have these … adrenaline rushes. The first time it happened, I lifted a refrigerator. The thing is, my body couldn't handle the stress of lifting such heavy things. I was young, my body wasn't trained and my bones weren't that strong. I _constantly _broke my bones. Whenever I had such a rush and I lifted something heavy, I would break something. Eventually my body and bones became strong enough to handle my … outbursts, so to say, and now things like flesh wounds… I feel it and I guess it hurts a little but it's more like an annoying ache instead of actual pain. In addition, my bones are extremely robust right now, so I haven't broken anything since middle school." Izaya was listening attentively the entire time and he enjoyed hearing Shizuo talk about something personal. Oddly enough, he felt satisfied that the blond trusted him enough to tell him this. The rest of the walk was spent in complete, often uncomfortable, silence. When they reached the pharmacist, Shizuo walked in first, holding the door open for his companion. There were two people waiting in front of the counter. An elder lady, picking up her monthly dose off sleeping pills and heart medication, and the other was a young pregnant woman who came to collect some diapers and pacifiers for her soon-to-be-born son. When it was finally their turn, more than 10 minutes had passed, since the old lady kept on complaining about her new heart medicine. Shizuo walked up to the middle aged man behind the counter, who was still somewhat annoyed from his earlier conversation with the nagging old lady and put his hand on top of the counter. The man's eyes widened a little and then blinked furiously as if he thought that if he blinked fast enough the hallucination would disappear. After realizing it wasn't a hallucination, he looked up at Shizuo's expressionless face.  
"There's a ballpoint sticking through your hand."  
Shizuo raised an eyebrow and sighed, while Izaya couldn't help himself and snorted with laughter.  
"Way to state the obvious." (Izaya)  
Shizuo couldn't stop the small smirk that broke through his defenses after hearing that comment.  
"Yeah, I noticed. Could you maybe get me some bandages?"  
The man looked up at him with confusion and some worry written on his face.  
"You should be going to a hospital to…"  
Shizuo raised his uninjured hand to stop the man from going any further.

"I will decide myself what I should or shouldn't do. Just … give me some bandages."  
The man still hesitated for a moment, but seeing Shizuo's eyes, he knew there was no room for discussion. He sighed in defeat and gave the blond what he asked for. Shizuo paid the man more than he was supposed to and quickly left with three brand new rolls of bandages.  
Once outside Izaya let out his laughter, making some people look at him as if he'd lost his mind. No arguments there.  
"That … was … hilarious…" Izaya only managed to get one word in between his bouts of laughter. After several minutes he managed to calm down a little.  
"I mean, did you see his face when you pointed out the ones in your legs?"  
Remembering that face, caused another fit of laughter. It kept amazing Shizuo how much different Izaya was that day and even more, how much he liked the other when he was like this. Watching Izaya laughing, without restraint, without regret, without shame or caution, made something warm spread through Shizuo's body.  
It was the same for Izaya. He hadn't felt this free and alive in ages, and he found it extremely interesting to spent time with a docile Shizuo. Ever since the first day they met in high school, they'd been fighting. They never even had a conversation outside of the occasional death threat or challenge. It felt weird to view the blond as nothing but human just like him. Of course he couldn't ignore the fact that Shizuo can throw trucks into the air, but at least he could now accept that underneath those adrenaline rushes lies a normal young man. A smart one apparently. At least now people can no longer say that looks, muscle and brain don't go together.

They walked towards the park. By now it was already pretty late and the place was deserted. Shizuo looked around, searching for a place to sit. Izaya noticed this and pointed towards a tiny blue building. It was a shed used as a storage room, where you could find the gardening equipment to maintain the park. Shizuo followed Izaya to the shed. Izaya tried the door, which was locked, pulled out his break-in set (of course he has one) and started picking the lock. Shizuo looked around to make sure they weren't caught, but obviously there was no one around. He didn't really get why they necessarily needed to open the shed, though. He was just about to ask Izaya, when the door clicked and the other pushed it open. Izaya immediately found the light switch, flicked it on with one finger and beckoned Shizuo to get inside. After Izaya closed the door behind him, Shizuo could no longer suppress his curiosity and asked Izaya why they had to be inside the shed.  
"What? You want to undress in public?"  
Shizuo frowned, not quite following the other's train of thoughts. Izaya noticed the blond's confusion and explained his reasoning.  
"You have to bandage your legs too right? Wouldn't that require taking off your pants?"  
Then, finally, everything clicked in Shizuo's mind.  
"Oooh right. Of course."  
Izaya approached the blond, holding out his hand.  
"Give me your hand, I'll bandage it for you."  
There was no hesitation in Shizuo's movements as he willingly gave Izaya his injured hand. Izaya did hesitate though at the next action. He looked up at Shizuo, not really knowing what to do.  
"Should I just pull it out or…?"  
Shizuo nodded. "Yeah, don't worry. Just pull it out."  
"Okay." Without further delay, Izaya grabbed the ballpoint and yanked it out with one swift pull.  
Shizuo's flinched slightly.  
"Damn. Coming out definitely hurts more than going in."

Fresh blood started oozing out of the open wound. Izaya grabbed one of the rolls of bandages and quickly wrapped it around Shizuo's hand.  
"Okay, I'm going to pull the ballpoints out of your legs now, all right?"  
"Sure, go ahead."  
Izaya grabbed the left one and pulled it out. He could hear Shizuo's breath hitch, and realized that he enjoyed it. Pulling these things out and hearing, watching Shizuo's responses were turning him on. He moved to the other, wrapped his fingers around it and slowly started pulling it out.  
"Ouch, geez, could you pull it out even slower, you idiot."  
Izaya looked up at Shizuo with a mischievous grin and a challenging look on his face.  
"Is that a trick question?"  
Shizuo snorted and flinched as the pen finally left his body.  
"Asshole."  
The dark-haired boy snickered, throwing the ballpoints away and grabbing the other two rolls of bandages.  
"Take your pants off."  
The blond snorted, but started to unbuckle his belt, opening his button and zipper and finally dropping his pants down to his ankles. On both his bare legs were long trails of old blood mixed in with the fresh blood that was flowing out of his wounds. Now Izaya was almost painfully turned on, unsure if he'd be able to control himself or if he even wanted to. He drew closer, staring at Shizuo's legs. "Sit down, makes it easier."  
Shizuo did as Izaya said, sliding down against the wall. Izaya said down in between the blond's legs, wrapping his right leg first and then his left. By the time he was finished, he was completely wrapped in lust. His hands were resting on Shizuo's legs, slowly moving upwards. The other noticed that Izaya's aura seemed different all of a sudden, more dangerous, but he couldn't get himself to worry, not after today. Suddenly Izaya's hand touched a place that definitely wasn't supposed to be touched by him.  
Shizuo grabbed his hand, stopping his advances. "Watch where you place your hand, will you!"  
Izaya looked up at Shizuo with a very dangerous look in his eyes. Without a second thought, without a warning he moved closer and crushed his lips against Shizuo's. The other's breath hitched and he immediately tried to push Izaya off of him, but he didn't dare to push too hard in fear of breaking the other's ribs. The dark one pulled out his knife and cut straight through his bartender shirt and his flesh, leaving a long red line across Shizuo's chest. He then pulled Shizuo towards him, away from the wall, took the blond's arms, pushed them behind the other's head in a way that made sure his hands overlapped and brutally drove his knife through them and into the ground. Shizuo gasped, too many things were happening at the same time. His chest was burning, his hands hurt and he couldn't move. If he pulled his hands up, the knife would only cut deeper. The pain was bearable, but if he moved too much, he'd mangle his hands even more, which would take a very long time to heal and leave scars. Shizuo didn't get the time to think things through, though, because Izaya suddenly pulled down his boxers. The blond was flooded with a sudden feeling of embarrassment. His face flushed and he desperately tried to close his legs. He couldn't, since Izaya was sitting in between them.  
"Izaya, what…"  
Shizuo was cut off when the other suddenly pulled one of his legs back. Then before he could even start to consider what would happen next, something hard, ruthlessly entered his body. He immediately tensed, tightening his muscles, trying to push out the sudden and unbelievably painful sensation. The blond couldn't stop the tears escaping his eye sockets. He held his breath, he couldn't think. All that went through his mind was that everything hurt and that he hadn't felt this much pain since he was a child and constantly broke his bones. He felt betrayed as well. He had given Izaya his trust, a chance, and this was his thanks. Izaya moved, going all the way out and thrusting back all the way in. Shizuo couldn't hold back his voice any more. The pain was too much. It felt as if his bottom and his back were on fire, not to mention that with every thrust his hands moved against the blade. Izaya started going faster and faster, reaching his peak. He dropped down on top of Shizuo, utterly exhausted. The blond's breathing pattern was fast and it felt like his heart was going to beat out of his chest. He was hurt, both mentally and physically, and embarrassed. He didn't care about the pain any more. Shizuo pushed up his hands, pulling the knife out of the ground and started to sit up. Izaya felt the movement and moved away from the body underneath him. Shizuo separated his hands and then pulled the knife out of his right hand. He tried to get up, but a sudden burst of pain, coming from his loin, shot through his body and he fell back to the ground. It took a while but finally Izaya started to regain a sane state of mind. He gazed at Shizuo and suddenly realized what he had done. Tears were streaming down Shizuo's cheeks, he was covered in cuts and bruises and there was blood flowing out of places where it shouldn't be flowing from. He was trembling and his eyes were distant. Izaya was suddenly overcome with regret and slowly approached the blond.  
"Shizu-chan…I…"  
Shizuo slowly turned his head toward Izaya and looked him in the eye. What he saw actually soothed him a little. Izaya's face showed pain, regret, shame and self-loathing. Shizuo wanted to believe those feelings so desperately. He desperately wished that the Izaya that had just hurt him so badly wasn't the real Izaya.  
"I-I'm so s-sorry. I-I don't know …why…"  
Shizuo took a deep breath and slowly blew it out again. He repeated this action until he calmed down and the pain lessened. The blond slowly rose to his feet, ignoring the pain as best as he could. He ignored Izaya, gathered his clothes and put them back on. Then without another word or even a glance toward the other, he left the shed. Izaya kept gazing at Shizuo's retreating back even after he was completely out of sight. He was an idiot, he knew that. Such a big, stupid, hormonal idiot.

A/N: Weeeeelll, I guess this is it for now. it's not a one-shot just so you know but I'm not sure when I will upload the next chapter. Hope you liked it though, my first ever yaoi fanfic.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Helloo everybody. I know, it's been a long time. I wanted to update sooner but with school and stuff… Anyways as some of you may have noticed, I changed the summary. I received some reviews from people saying they were confused, because the summary said Shizaya and in my first chapter it was Shizuo on the bottom end. Honestly, I had no idea that the order of the names mattered. So thanks for pointing that out. Well, as you can see, the summary now says Shizaya/Izuo, which I guess is a dead giveaway of what is still to come. Enough with the chatter, and enjoy chapter 2.

**Chapter 2:**

Izaya finally tore his gaze away from the direction Shizuo had disappeared into. He looked down to his hands, which were covered in blood. Shizuo's blood. Izaya buried his hands in his hair, closing his eyes. Why had he done that? He never really wanted to hurt the blond, he was just overcome with a sudden desire to take him. And of course, him being Izaya, he just took what he wanted, not thinking about the consequences. Usually he wouldn't care less whether he just hurt someone or destroyed someone's life. Now, for some unknown reason, it felt like an invisible hand was squeezing his heart. Izaya dropped his hands in his lap. His hair was a mess, because of the blood that had been on his hands. He slowly rose to his feet, holding his pants up with one hand. Once he stood on his feet, he buckled up his pants and left the shed. The fresh air did him good. Izaya didn't really know where to go. He didn't feel like going home. The dark-haired male eventually just started walking, not caring where he was going. Ikebukuro wasn't as vibrant as it had been a couple of hours earlier. Izaya didn't pay any attention to anyone. He didn't even notice how people avoided him, moving out of his way when he walked by. Of course everyone knew who he was, they all knew he was dangerous, but at that moment he was terrifying. The info broker was covered in blood, his hair defied gravity due to the dried up blood and his eyes were glazed over. Everyone agreed that running into him at that moment definitely wasn't a good idea. Izaya just kept on walking for what seemed like hours, but in reality were mere minutes. After aimlessly strolling around for half an hour, he finally woke up from his dazed state and looked around. This place looked familiar. He looked up and his eyes widened a little. He realized where he was. He was standing in front of Shizuo's apartment. Why was he here? Seeing the blond now would be a terrible idea, he'd be killed instantly. Izaya was staring at his hands and an image of a crying, bleeding Shizuo infiltrated his thoughts. He shook his head, it was not a good idea to think about that. Not necessarily out of guilt, but because the dark-haired male, disgustingly enough, could feel himself becoming hard again when seeing that image. He took a deep breath, even more consumed by guilt and looked up at the apartment. Izaya started wondering if Shizuo was even there. He could have gone somewhere else. Maybe he went to Shinra's place, he was pretty hurt after all. Izaya sighed, dismissing that thought. There's no way Shizuo would have gone to Shinra, no matter how hurt he was. Izaya slowly approached the building and used the fire escape ladder to get to Shizuo's apartment. The parcour-loving male fluently hopped onto the blond's balcony and walked towards the glass sliding door. He tried it and found that the door wasn't locked. Not exactly out of the ordinary, you'd have to be either seriously stupid or suicidal to break into Heiwajima's apartment. He opened the door just far enough to squeeze through and quietly closed it again once he stood inside the blond's living room. Very slowly and as silent as a mouse, he crept toward Shizuo's bedroom door. It was open so Izaya carefully peeked inside. It was pretty dark inside, but he could still see everything clear enough. He immediately noticed the blond, laying on his bed, face-down. Izaya walked inside and stopped right next to the bed, standing barely a foot away from the sleeping bodyguard in his torn bartender uniform. It seemed Shizuo hadn't bothered to take any clothes off before dropping dead on his bed, seeing he hadn't even taken off his shoes. Izaya knew from a previous experience, or prank might be a better word, that the blond was a very deep sleeper. He once tried to wake him up and had tried many things 'till eventually he managed to wake him up by whispering in his ear that his brother was being raped by a gang. Shizuo had shot out of his bed and had ran outside, screaming like a madman.  
Izaya walked to the bathroom, rummaging through some closets, and quickly found a first aid kit. He went back to Shizuo's room, switched on the lights and walked up to the blond. With the lights on Izaya was even more confronted by the damage he had caused. Shizuo's hands were completely covered with a thick red fluid, his suit was for the garbage can and his face still looked red and somewhat swollen because of the tears. Izaya made another trip to the bathroom to get a bucket of water and a washcloth. He kneeled next to the bed and dropped the washcloth into the warm water. Shizuo was laying on his stomach with his arms next to his body. The info broker grabbed the blond's right arm and started to wash the blood off. He tried to be as gentle as possible, making slow movements and not rubbing to hard. Every now and then, the dark male would look up to gaze at the blond's face, just to check if he was still asleep. Shizuo was out like a light, he never moved an inch, his face looked peaceful and his soft, relaxed breathing was soothing. When Izaya had washed away most of the dried up blood, he put some disinfectant spray on the wound and then finished it off with bandages. He then grabbed the blond's arm and with one big push he managed to turn Shizuo around. Now laying on his back, stirring just a little, Izaya could easily access his other arm. He repeated his previous actions, cleaned and patched him up, stood up and took the bucket back to the bathroom. The water had turned light red, so he needed to change it. He also made a quick stop in the kitchen, before he went back to Shizuo's room with clean water and a pair of scissors. He knelt next to the bed again and quickly started to cut through the blond's torn bartender outfit with the scissors. He removed everything, even the underwear, and thoroughly cleaned Shizuo's entire body. He also disinfected the long gash in his chest. When Izaya was done washing the blond, he grabbed a blanket out of the closet and covered Shizuo's naked form. Then he quickly retreated to the living room and with a loud sigh, he collapsed on the sofa. The black-haired man was exhausted and couldn't fight back the slumber. He closed his eyes, stopped resisting and immediately drifted off into a much needed sleep.

The sunlight bothered him, it hurt his eyes even though they were still closed. Shizuo groaned, turning his head away from his bedroom window and slowly, cautiously opened his eyes, blinking the sleep away. His eyes adjusted to his surroundings, his comfortable and familiar bedroom. The blond moved one of his hands up, with the intention to rub his eyes, but stopped moving mid-action. Shizuo started noticing some unusual things. First of all, he was naked. Second of all, his hands were clean and bandaged. And last but not least, his body felt like crap. He had an annoying headache and the bright sunlight wasn't helping at all. His chest, hands and lower back throbbed. When he tried to sit up, a sharp stab of pain shot up from his lower back. He bit his lip, trying to ignore the pangs and slowly stood up from his bed. Even though he was in his own home, he felt incredibly uncomfortable being naked so he quickly grabbed a pair of boxers out of his cabinet and put them on. Then he walked to his closet, pulling out a pair of gray sweatpants and a simple white t-shirt, and walked out of his room.

There he froze. In his living room, on his cough, lay the black-haired culprit who had completely ruined his previous night. Shizuo was overwhelmed with flashing images of last night, of a smiling Izaya, and of an Izaya, hovering over him. He remembered the pain he felt and could still feel, the embarrassment, the shock, the betrayal. He was hurt, and he wanted to hurt Izaya as well, but he just couldn't get himself to move. The blond was surprised to realize that he wasn't really as angry as he thought he would be. He looked down at his wrapped up hands and then gazed back at the other's sleeping form. Izaya had followed him and had taken care of him, that must mean he regretted his actions. Shizuo had already figured out that Izaya hadn't really meant to hurt him, when he saw that face the other night. That flea had looked at him with so many emotions written all over his face. Regret, shock, pain, even some guilt. The blond knew he shouldn't trust the man, that he was just playing with him, but Shizuo couldn't help being drawn to the info broker. He slowly moved one foot in front of the other and made his way to his couch. He stopped right next to it and just stared at a peacefully sleeping Izaya. Very slowly he moved his right arm toward the dark-haired male, barely touching his forehead. With his fingers he moved some black strands of hair out of the way. Shizuo noticed how messy the other's hair was, large parts of it stuck together. Furthermore, the info broker himself was covered in blood. His clothes were dirty, his hands looked rosy due to the blood. Suddenly Izaya stirred and Shizuo quickly moved his hand away, hoping he hadn't wakened the other.

Unfortunately, he had. Izaya blinked a few times, feeling a little disoriented at seeing unfamiliar surroundings. He noticed someone standing next to him and gazed in that directing, rubbing his eyes. He gasped and immediately shot up.  
"Shizu-chan…"  
Shizuo calmly walked away, grabbing a cigarette, lighting it and blowing out the foul smoke. He dropped his lighter on the coffee table, crossed his arms over his chest, one hand holding his cigarette and looked back at the dark mess in his cough. With a stoic expression and a deadpan voice he decided to say it to his face as well.  
"You look like crap."  
Izaya looked himself over. His clothes were a mess and he was covered in blood and dirt. He looked back at Shizuo, who was wearing clean clothes and looked pretty good too. Obviously, since Izaya had patched him up last night. He too, decided to remind him of that.  
"You, on the other hand, look really well."  
Shizuo snorted, blowing out a cloud of whitish smoke.  
"I _feel_ like crap though."  
Izaya broke eye contact and stared at his hands. Shizuo had a hard time thrusting the flea. He had a look of guilt and shame at that moment, but the blond, knowing, remembering what kind of person he's always been and what kind of things he's done, found it somewhat difficult to believe that expression. He wasn't sure if Izaya's emotions at that moment were sincere. For all he knows he could be walking in one big trap set up by the cunning man in front of him. Izaya looked up and their eyes locked. Shizuo couldn't move, nor breath for an instant. His heartbeat quickened and the hairs all over his body stood on end. The look in Izaya's eyes gave the blond shivers, but surprisingly enough not in a bad way. That look… Shizuo knew it. He'd seen it before. He'd seen it the night before in fact.  
It was lust.  
It almost radiated from the dark-haired man. Shizuo unconsciously took a step back, averting his eyes. It scared him. Not that look in those eyes, not really, but how that look made him feel. He wasn't afraid because that look reminded him of the previous night, but because it made him long for the night before. It scared the blond because he knew that if Izaya tried anything right now, he wouldn't be able to resist. Even knowing he'd experience a pain similar or even worse to last night, he wouldn't be able to push the dark boy away, he wouldn't say no and he probably wouldn't even mind that. He didn't enjoy himself the previous night. The pain was not something he looked forward to or something he desired. Feeling intimidated, dominated and powerless was not something he wanted to feel again. But that was his mind speaking, his body was telling a different story. He wanted that look hovering over him, he wanted the pain, he wanted to be dominated and to feel powerless. Shizuo swallowed, feeling sick and disgusted by his own feelings and dark desires. He was wrong. He was not in danger of falling into a trap set up by Izaya. He had already fallen into it. He was a prisoner and those eyes kept him imprisoned. It made him wonder. Who was the real monster here? Sure, Izaya's actions were cruel and violent, but he wished for it now. Does that even give him the right to judge the dark boy's deed, does he even have the right to be angry at him en make him feel guilty?

Izaya was confused. Shizuo was acting a little weird, he could see the conflict on his face. It seemed like he was fighting a battle or was having some sort of discussion in his head. He frowned now and then and sometimes wore a pained expression. His cigarette had long gone out, forgotten. Izaya was excited. When Shizuo had mentioned he felt bad because of Izaya's hormonal outburst the night before, he had felt guilty at first. But then he saw these images of a naked, bloodied Shizuo underneath him and he remembered what it felt like being and coming inside the blond. Thinking about that turned him on and when he looked at Shizuo at that exact moment, seeing the reaction of the blond at noticing his lustful eyes, Izaya realized that Shizuo knew. That he recognized his eyes from the previous night. He had a hard time deciphering the blond's reaction though. He was really curious, he wanted to look inside that head and see his thoughts. Without realizing he stood up, leaving the cough behind and slowly approached Shizuo. When Shizuo noticed the flea's silent approach, he quickly turned around and walked to the kitchen. Running was all he could do at that moment. If he'd allow Izaya to come too close, he would never be able to stop him … or himself.  
Izaya stopped walking when he heard the sound of Shizuo's voice.  
"Go take a shower, I can't stand the smell anymore." Izaya just stood there, blinking away.  
"There are towels in the cabinet underneath the sink. Take off your clothes and then lay them outside the bathroom, I'll replace them with clean ones and wash your dirty garments."

Izaya finally started to move and without saying a word he walked to the bathroom door. He gave Shizuo one last glance before disappearing into the small room. Five minutes later the door opened again and a bunch of dirty rags where thrown outside. Shizuo left his safe haven in order to run to his room and gather some clothes for Izaya to wear. Clean boxers, a dark blue t-shirt and black sweatpants. Nicely folded, he lay the tiny pile in front of the bathroom door, hearing the sound of running water, and quickly walked back into his kitchen. Shizuo had gotten hungry so he decided to make him something. He made a huge omelet, baked some bacon, cooked some rice with curry and made tea. He never made such an elaborate breakfast. He was trying to keep himself busy, so he didn't have to think about the fact that Izaya was showering a couple of feet away.  
"I didn't know you could cook." Shizuo almost jumped up at the sudden and unexpected sound. He turned around, his back now toward the stove and found Izaya standing in his kitchen, wearing the clean clothes he had left at the door. His heart still had to find its natural rhythm back, but he put up a tough façade in front of Izaya.  
"Of course I can cook, I live alone."  
Izaya nodded at that. "mmmmhhh."  
Shizuo grabbed some plates and cutlery and dropped them on the table. He had grabbed everything in twos, which made Izaya quirk an eyebrow.  
"You took a plate for me as well?"  
Shizuo, oddly enough, felt embarrassed, and he hoped it couldn't be seen on his face. He couldn't tell the flea he made breakfast for him willingly.  
"What, you expect me to eat all of this myself?"  
Izaya smirked and without saying a word grabbed a plate and fork, sat down at the kitchen table and served himself bread with some omelet and bacon. Shizuo stared at him for a moment before sitting down himself and eating some of the rice with curry. They ate in complete silence for what seemed like hours. Izaya ate the entire omelet including the bacon, while Shizuo stuffed himself with rice and curry. When he was finished he took his plate and dropped it in the sink, where after he headed for the fridge. He opened the refrigerator, unbeknown to the fact that Izaya had followed him, till he saw the latter's head appear in his fridge. Shizuo froze for an instant, gazing at that pitch black hair.  
"What's with all the milk?"  
Shizuo relaxed visibly and sighed noticeably, while he grabbed one out of a hundred milk bottles.  
"Get your damn head out of my fridge or it's gonna join my milk collection."  
Izaya raced into the living room, laughing out loud and fell on the cough he'd slept in. He just couldn't stop the laughter and clutched his stomach which even started to hurt. Frankly, the boy didn't even know why he was laughing. There wasn't really anything funny, but still Izaya hadn't laughed like this in years and he wouldn't mind getting used to it. Well, last night he had doubled up with laughter as well, but now it was even worse. After a while he managed to calm down and he wiped away the tears of joy. He saw Shizuo calmly leaning against the wall several feet away, just observing him in silence. His face showed that he was slightly amused, but at the same time also confused and uncertain. He too had no idea what came over the dark-haired young man. The blond didn't think that his joke about putting his head in his fridge was that hilarious. Izaya had managed to stop laughing and was just staring at the blond, not saying a word. His face was relaxed, with only the smallest hint of amusement left.

Shizuo stared back and he found himself unable to take his eyes off of the other. Izaya started moving very slowly, stepping off the cough. He approached Shizuo, never leaving his eyes. It was as if he was spellbound and those eyes just lured him in.

Shizuo felt the same way. His eyes never left those crimson orbs and he felt like a prisoner all over. His breathing became faster and sometimes even faltered. He could feel his body heat up, his thoughts turned for the worst. He knew it was gonna happen again. The pain, the powerlessness. If Izaya reached him, he'd be lost. Sure, his hormonal body wouldn't mind the abuse, but his rational mind sure would. He thought about running away again. To just race past Izaya and jump off his balcony and keep on running. But it didn't matter how rational his mind might've been, his body was on fire. He had a straining erection and he just … wanted Izaya. Yes, he admitted it. He really, badly wanted that damn, irritating flea. He was giving in to his own and at the same time Izaya's desires, but then it suddenly dawned on him. He could sate his hunger, without having to surrender to Izaya. Who ever said he had to lay still and just take it? If Izaya wanted the sex so badly, he should just take it. Who ever said Shizuo had to be the bottom? He could push the other down and just do whatever he wanted. It's not like Izaya'd be able to push him off.

Izaya froze. He could sense a change in the blond. His eyes, the look in his eyes had just made a 180 degrees turn. Earlier he'd been fighting some sort of inner battle. His eyes were wary, indecisive, but just know it changed. There was determination in those eyes now. The blond knew exactly what he wanted and he wouldn't hesitate to take it. Izaya could feel a shiver run up his spine. He'd never dare to admit it but he was a little scared. He felt cornered, hunted down. Just like that, in a matter of seconds, he had gone from predator to prey. Izaya swallowed, he was afraid. Shizuo, with his enormous strength, he could do a lot of damage if he lost control. Izaya was already imagining himself in a hospital bed, dozens of broken bones or even worse. If Shizuo was angry enough, he might not even survive it.

Izaya didn't even have time to think all this through, 'cause Shizuo suddenly closed the gap and pushed the dark boy down. Izaya came down hard. He hit his head which throbbed and made him a little dizzy and he had the wind knocked out of him. He gasped when his pants and boxers disappeared, the sudden cold bit his naked flesh. He tried to get up, pushing against Shizuo's chest, but his hands were pinned above his head. Shizuo didn't bother keeping one of his hands occupied with holding down Izaya's hands, since he needed both.  
"Don't move." He let go of the other's hands to take down his own pants and underwear. Izaya immediately fought back, hitting Shizuo's chest and face, trying to push him off. He instantly received a painful slap in the face, the force of it jerked his face to the side and his hands were forcefully pushed back above his head.  
"I said, don't move!" Shizuo yelled right into his ear which made Izaya cringe. Shizuo had freed his hard member from its tight confinement and forced Izaya's legs apart. Without warning, without restraint, without hesitation, the blond thrust inside of Izaya, earning a scream from the latter. Izaya closed his eyes, already fearing the next harsh and relentless thrust which… never came. Shizuo just hovered above him, while his member was fully engulfed by Izaya's insides. Izaya didn't know why the blond didn't move, he didn't know that Shizuo had suddenly become uncertain. He had just thrust inside of Izaya, made him scream, so he knew it hurt the other, but he was afraid he'd overdo it. He didn't really mind hurting Izaya a little, but he had awful self-restraint and also knew that people are very breakable. He could take a lot, his bones were robust or as Izaya likes to put it, he wasn't human. Izaya was wicked and a real weasel, Shizuo often thought that he belonged in a mental home, but he was still very human and very breakable. That's why Shizuo hesitated, though it was incredibly hard to keep himself from moving, it felt so good inside Izaya, but he was afraid he'd break him if he continued.

Izaya was staring at the quiet and motionless Shizuo, who kept frowning. He slowly moved one of his hands up and very softly touched the blond's face. His action startled Shizuo, who gazed at Izaya. There was conflict in those eyes again. Izaya sighed and closed his eyes. Shizuo was hesitating. He had no idea why, but for some reason the blond seemed uncertain as to what he should do next. Izaya felt relief, it felt as if he could breathe again after being choked. He had been genuinely afraid earlier. He feared that Shizuo would lose it and just ravage him. He was somewhat surprised to see that the blond had a lot more control over himself than Izaya'd initially thought. He even seemed to have more control than Izaya had the night before. At this point, with Shizuo buried deep inside of him, Izaya realized he wouldn't even mind to let him finish. It might actually turn out to be less painful than he'd expected. Izaya averted his eyes and gathered the courage to say the next.  
"Either move or get out, this is starting to get a little weird."  
Shizuo at first froze when he heard the other's voice, but soon after it felt like a huge weight had fallen of his back. Izaya had actually given him permission to move, sort of. Shizuo pulled out slowly and thrust in again. He found a nice and steady pace of moving in and out, after a while Izaya even started moaning. Shizuo was a little overwhelmed, a tingling feeling was spreading through his body, it felt so good. He quickened his pace, which made Izaya moan even louder. Shizuo used one arm to support himself and the other he used to lift Izaya's butt of the ground, which gave him even better access. His pace quickened again and Izaya even let out screams of pleasure now. "Yeah, right there." Izaya was definitely enjoying himself, moaning like that with his eyes closed. He suddenly threw his arms around Shizuo's back, creeping in his shirt. "Oh god, Shizu-chan, I'm gonna come. I'm gonna…" Shizuo started going even faster, slamming inside the dark-haired man beneath him. Izaya buried his nails in Shizuo's back, leaving behind long, but superficial gashes. Shizuo didn't even notice the pain, because the pleasure predominated. His breathing became ragged, his heart raced, he was sweating all over. Izaya screamed as he came, the sticky fluid stuck to their shirts. Shizuo had his eyes closed, his toes started to tingle, his breathing stopped as he shot his load inside of Izaya. He lowered the flea's bottom and almost collapsed on top of him. His arms were shaking but he managed to keep himself up. He needed time to catch his breath and he was still enjoying the ebbing tingling sensation in his lower body. He couldn't get himself to look up and meet Izaya's eyes. After a minute or so he got up and walked away from Izaya. It was barely louder than a whisper when he spoke. "I'm gonna take a shower."  
Shizuo spent 15 minutes in the bathroom, trying to come to terms with what he just did. When he left the bathroom, Izaya was no longer there. Shizuo sighed, he noticed that the sliding door to his balcony was slightly opened and his bedroom door which had been closed as well. His closet was also open in his room. Izaya must have taken clothes or something. Shizuo went to his kitchen, deciding to do the dishes real quickly. When he was finished he had a craving for milk so he closed the gap between him and the fridge and opened. To his surprise there was a folded t-shirt next to his milk bottles. The blond frowned and grabbed the piece of clothing. There was a piece of paper on top of it.  
_Dear Shizu-chan,  
You can't have my head, but with this you  
at least have something of mine.  
Take good care of it.  
I had a great time.  
Izaya.  
_Shizuo's frown got even worse, he pulled the shirt out of the fridge and unfolded it. On the front of the shirt there was a clearly visible white, dried up stain. Shizuo immediately realized what exactly that white stuff was and almost growled. He threw the shirt on the floor and crumpled the piece of paper. That damn, irritating fleabag. The blond walked towards his balcony, his hands clenched into fists.  
"I'll kill him, I'll kill him, I'll kill him, I'll kill him, …"

**A/N: again sorry that it took so long, but I hope you liked this chapter. I'm kinda stuck with this story now so I have no idea how to continue. If there is going to be a next chapter, and I mean IF, then it probably won't be any time soon. Besides I like this ending. But please do share your thoughts with me. **


End file.
